As I am writing this, I am a recently broken-up-with girl eating yogurt-covered almonds and shivering in the breeze.
A few days ago I broke up with my boyfriend of five or so months. I used to be on the team of “let’s see what he decides,” but I took a feminism class in college and a listen to my best friend and decided waiting for some guy to make up his mind wasn’t very FEMINIST of me. I was unhappy. Wallowing in my unhappiness and doing nothing to fix it was something of my past; that’s something weak me did when I was dealing with various mental illnesses.
To me, feminism is about taking control of my life and doing whatever the fuck I want. Men aren’t going to stop me from living the life I want, and neither are women, really, to be honest.
Returning to finish writing this, I am now eating a cheeseburger and I am wearing a shirt I cut the sleeves off from my local radio station. I don’t regret my decision to break up with the guy, STILL, four days later.
Realizing someone you may still have feelings for isn’t what you need in your life at the time is HUGE. It’s a hard decision to make, too. It hurts to leave someone you still like behind because they’re not what you thought. But your unhappiness isn’t worth it. I know that’s another hard thing swallow, because breaking up with someone hurts A LOT, but continuing to be unhappy or half-assing a relationship just sucks. It plain goddamn sucks.
Here are some signs I’ve experienced when a relationship isn’t working anymore.
The things you wish you could change about the person seem more pressing or outnumber the things you think are right about them.
You find yourself making unnecessary compromises to yourself, or try to make up for things the other person is doing to yourself.
The person is using you for sex, be it taking out their anger on you, or using you only as a sex object.
You dislike the person’s friends, or they dislike yours.
Your values are different. Core values. For example, you don’t enjoy drinking and partying, but the other person does.
Your current goals differ a lot. Or, one of you is goal-oriented and the other isn’t.
You feel you can’t support their passions, feel uninterested, or just don’t care.
You are starting to feel unacceptable to the other person. Maybe you feel like you can’t make them happy anymore, or don’t know how.
And, finally, you don’t feel comfortable communicating anymore. This is very important. If you can’t talk to them about your feelings or problems you’re having, GET OUT. Communication is absolutely key in ANY relationship.
This is why breaking up with the other person first can feel so good. It empowers you. It makes you feel strong enough to get yourself out of unsatisfactory situations (which is exactly what you’re doing). It gives you practice for standing up for yourself. And, finally, it is a good thing you do for you. You gotta take care of yourself, even if it means doing things that hurt.
Take charge of your life, is the point. Owe it to yourself not to do things that make you unhappy.
“It is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it.” -Dr. T